close door, open door

You know the question that you get every time you were applying for university when you were back in OAC? "What do you want to do as a career?", or"What are you planning on studying?"
Well, it seems the years have passed and now I am in my third year. Although I must admit I have a sense of where i'm going ie. finish off my health sci degree with a minor in linguistics and then apply for speech language pathology , there is that lingering thought in the back of my mind of the "what if". What if I I can't get in? what if this or that? Well, these questions were long recessed into my mind until this past wednesday when they resurfaced and rehearsed itself like a bad nightmare.

I wasn't feeling well already due to the weather. and.. Perhaps it was due to this condition which resulted in a sudden delusion of which I began to have a mini panic attack about my life "plan". It all started when I decided to not go to sleep but stay up and just y'know check something up about speech path. For the next hour I began to search page after page of all the schools that offered speech path in canada.. UT, Western, McGill, UBC, UA and of all things I even looked up Dalhousie!

as I attempted to go to sleep my mind kept going and going but I will spare you from the reading of all these thoughts and just mention one to you.. I realized that I haven't done my 14 hours of volunteering that was required in order to apply for speech. True, I've done tons of volunteering but not under a registered and certified speech language pathologist.

I thought to myself, this was like conversation turned reality from the one I had on the drive up to London. What if God desires for you to do something else...something other than speech path?.

It was my moment of weakness. Inability to trust God, the story of many of our lives. Jer. 29:11 declares that He will provide for us. Sadly, somehow or other we all get so caught up with what WE can do with our OWN strength that we start to experience tunnel vision.

and now..upon reflection. As hard as it will be to let go, if God chooses to close the door, He will always open another one, a better door. One embossed with your name upon it, inviting us through.